Death of a Soldier

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Photo prompt © J Hardy Carroll

My first time, writing for Friday Fictioneers. I wanted to do a dark, look at the death of a loved one, but all my recent stories have been too dark. So I’ve tried something different.

As I recover from the initial shock, I wonder whether he remembered us in his last moments. His life did revolve around his family. With a sad and weary heart, I read the letter that broke my world down, once more. I start wondering how am I going to tell this to our daughter. As I do this, the doorbell rings.

“I’m home, dear. Is she still sleeping?”
Apparently there was a case of mistaken identity. Another man with a similar name was the unfortunate deceased.

He takes us to a nice dinner, to unwind after the strange events of today. While returning, I see a graveyard with two lone figures, and I wonder what would I have done if I was there for his funeral. That fear is forever a part of me now.

Each week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple hosts Friday Fictioneers where we’re challenged to write a piece of flash fiction in 100 words, more or less, based on the picture above.

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11 thoughts on “Death of a Soldier

  1. Nice take. I found the story a little confusing and it took me several reads to untangle myself. There were a few errors though which I’m sure were just simple typo but I’m not the type of person to flatly point out people’s flaws. If you would like to know what the errors are, just tell me. Overall, I enjoyed this story and I think you’ve achieved the purpose of telling a dark story. 🙂

      1. In the third sentence, “I would like to that think it…” I believe the words “that” and “think” got swapped. Secondly, I believe there are a few missing commas. In the last sentence of the first paragraph, between the words, “this” and “the” and the second sentence in the last paragraph between the words “returning” and “I”. Finally, I think the first sentence of the last paragraph is missing a word, “me” as in “He takes me to a nice dinner…”

        I hope it helps and overall, I think you did great being that it’s your first take. 🙂

      2. I’ve edited most of the story, added another line further clarifying the story. And the typos. 😦
        I intended to put the story up a bit early, sadly in my rush I blundered a bit.
        Thanks a lot for helping me out, I made this blog as a tool to improve my storytelling skill and having helpful people like you around is only going to speed that process.
        By the way, I love the personal nature of your posts and I do read them from time to time. 🙂
        R
        Thanks for helping out.

      3. So much more clearer and better. 🙂
        Yeah, no problem. It’s one of the same reasons I started my blog because I couldn’t get critique anywhere else. I like reading your stories by the way.

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